Newly Mrs. S

Blog friends

2011-04-20T06:17:00.000-07:00

I am not a "great" blogger. I blog when I think about it, but I am never going to make a career out of blogging like some of my favorite blog idols - Meg, The Petersiks, or Deb.

But the reason I was even inspired to blog is the other women whose blogs I read. And when they write, I want to eat some of their beautiful words because they are so amazing (and you can tell from the photos below that I love to eat!). And when they post new music, I add it to my iTunes wish list. And when they comment on my blog, I want to do a little dance. Because I have blog-friends, and I love having friends - in real life, in my neck of the woods, all the way across the country, or only in the blogosphere. The more the merrier I say.

So, thanks, blog friends. Thanks for the inspiration.

Scenes from NOLA

2011-04-14T19:38:00.001-07:00

My trip was excellent. I traveled with three gals I used to work with at my old University job. One is writing her dissertation and two just successfully defended. We had a great deal to celebrate and discovered that we work well as travel companions. It was a great long weekend!

More on the conference later, but here are some fun pics of a great American town:

The French Quarter Festival had tons of great, free music.

And since it was festival season, it seemed only right to join in the party fun on the first night.

After daiquiris in the street (no open-container law in NOLA), a girl needs oysters - obviously!

Good dinner is best followed by...outstanding dessert.
Triple chocolate bread pudding = yum

Don't worry, we saved the Hurricanes at Pat O'Brien's for another night.
We're scholars for goodness sake! :)

For the last night in town, we rode the St. Charles street car to Uptown.

Where we waited for a table at the much lauded Jacques-Imo's. It was, as many of the locals assured us, well worth the wait.

I ate my blackened red fish before I thought to snap a picture, but did remember to catch the creme brulee before we devoured it.

Note to self: big, shallow dish = more creme brulee crust. Extra yum!

And that, of course, is me. Wearing my favorite dress and smiling because I had finished my presentation and enjoyed a great meal with good friends in a fabulous city!

Home-ish

2011-04-13T16:53:00.000-07:00

My Mr. is home...till 7 am tomorrow morning. And then he leaves again.

Last time he was gone for three months. Now it's just three days. A bit shorter time to wait to get him back, but stinky nonetheless.

But - he's presenting at a conference and I am particularly proud of him. I'll be cheering him on from home and looking forward to his safe return from one more trip.

In the meantime...I am furloughed from work on Friday (yay local budget cuts!) and will spend the morning on homework and the afternoon on finally completing the paint job in the guestroom.*

What's new with you ladies?

*That's right, jtabz. I still haven't finished since your visit. Call me slow and busy.

Nawlins/NOLA/The Big Easy

2011-04-07T16:43:00.000-07:00

(from here: singlemindedwomen.com)

I am headed to New Orleans, LA tomorrow morning. I am presenting my first academic paper. I am simultaneously super excited and scared out of my wits. And I have not packed a stitch of clothing. But I have thought a lot about food. Mmmm...food. Beignets, crawfish, PoBoys. Mmmm...

(from here: thirstyreader.com)

So - I'm off to pack. And day dream about all the tasty food I'm going to get to eat!

(from here: joelens.blogspot.com)

"Then shut it down."

2011-04-06T18:51:00.001-07:00

Any West Wing watchers out there? I may be mildly obsessed with President Bartlett and his smarty-pants staff. Remember the "shutdown" episode? When the Republicans control Congress and the President refuses to compromise on (yet another) continuing resolution? And President Bartlett walks up to the Capitol to try and settle the budget impasse?

(click here for a link to the climax of the episode @ 3:03)

Think that will happen for real? Will Obama and Boehner work out their differences tonight or will there be a dramatic solution at the 11th hour? Because if it doesn't, they don't, and there isn't...I don't get paid on Friday. Or any other day till Congress sorts it out. Neither do 800,000 other* employees of the federal government. Regardless of your political affiliation, I think we can all agree that putting that many people out of work (even temporarily) during a recession is not so smart. Not so smart at all.

*But wait - what's that you ask? Do I work for the federal government? No. I do not. But thanks to a funny little quirk of Congressional oversight, the District of Columbia is not allowed to spend its own local funds without Congressional approval.

It's okay - go back and read that sentence again. It takes a minute to sink in.

DC must have Congressional permission to keep the city running during a federal shutdown. And Congress has not been willing to give permission. So, no trash pick-up. No libraries. No non-essential city services. No paycheck for me. Check out more details here.

And keep your fingers crossed for me - perhaps cooler heads will prevail in the Capitol tonight.

Long time gone

2011-04-02T14:41:00.001-07:00

(The view from my friend's place in Silverlake in LA. I took it at the start of my "running tour" of my old neighborhood.)

Busy late winter/early spring, round these parts.

I started my new job - it's great. I'm taking one class - it is a lot of work. I was a bridesmaid in a wedding filled with love and joy. I toured awesome charter schools in DC and LA and am awed by the work of excellent teachers on behalf of their students. I submitted my first paper to an academic conference - and I present it in one week in New Orleans!

And I've done it all while missing my better half. He comes home in 11 days, and I am beyond thrilled to know that he will be out of a war zone and back to some of the comforts of our incredibly blessed life.

Here's a few shots from the lovely LA wedding trip - enjoy!

(The main office of Endeavor College Prep- a charter school started by one of my favorite teacher colleagues in Los Angeles)

(My Beast - the rental car I got to drive around LA all weekend)

(The bride's bouquet - made by one of her friends at the "flower luncheon" the day before the wedding)

(The happy couple getting pictures taken before the "tea ceremony" on their wedding day)

(Awesome Lego cake topper made by the groom - and mini-cupcakes!)

Resistance is futile

2011-01-31T18:36:00.000-08:00

Tell me, how does one resist a face like this?

When that face is competing for attention with interview transcription, guess which one wins?

100th post

2011-01-28T20:45:00.000-08:00

And fitting that it should be about food. I made this tonight - and it is freakin' fantastic. One jar for me, one to send to Afghanistan. And a perfect Valentine's Day gift to make for all of my gal pals. Yum.

Photo from here. Go. You know you want to see more.

Return to Power

2011-01-27T13:42:00.000-08:00

And, after 21 hours without electricity, the fine folks at our local utility company have restored the power. I am celebrating by planning out my dinner. Gracie (the pooch) is celebrating by snoring her way through a (warmer) nap.

Snow-venture

2011-01-27T11:27:00.000-08:00

I earned my first Girl Scout merit badge in 20 years last night. Let's call it the "suburban snow survival" badge. Here's how you earn it:

Send your husband far, far away for 3 months.
Order up a wicked snow storm to hit your region.
Settle in for a comfy night in a warm, toasty house watching crime shows and catching up on emails.
Lose power. Realize you have no idea where your flashlight is. Look for matches. Be thankful that you have gas heat and a woodstove, just in case.
Realize that your gas heat works with an electric starter and an electric heat pump. Be thankful for the woodstove.
Realize that you are out of matches...and have only 4 pieces of firewood.
Cry and whine for a bit.
(Wo)man up and call a neighbor to borrow matches. Light candles. Find flashlight. Build small fire in woodstove and save one large piece of wood for morning fire in case power remains out. Walk dog in snow and gather kindling. Lay kindling in front of woodstove to dry out over night and make bed on couch in front of fire. Watch the first half of a movie on your laptop till the battery dies.
Sleep soundly, snuggled with dog on couch.
Wake up to find that your office is closed. And you still have no power. Make a morning fire using hot coals from last night's fire. Be SUPER proud of yourself for that. Eat PB&J sandwich for breakfast, walk dog, and shovel driveway.
Drive your butt to Home Depot to buy: matches & firewood. Sit at Starbucks (with rest of the town!) to charge laptop and blog about snow-venture.

And now...back home to stoke the woodstove, walk the pooch (and re-stock the kindling), and finish the movie. Here's hoping the power comes back on soon!

He Arrived!

2011-01-22T05:46:00.000-08:00

I woke up on Saturday morning terrified. You know when you wake up out of a sound sleep and suddenly feel very uneasy about something, but can't quite put your finger on it? When I woke up I looked over at my cell phone, it was open. I thought that I must have missed a phone call from my Mr. It's been known to happen - I sleep so soundly that I occasionally do things in my sleep and forget it. Like open my cell phone...and have a whole conversation. Seriously. It's kind of freaky.

Fortunately, I hadn't missed his call. He called about an hour after I woke up and shared the story of his LONG trip from DC to Dubai to Kabul. He talked about the base, the sleeping accommodations, and the food. He sounded tired, but otherwise ok. I was relieved and spent most of the rest of the day with a big smile on my face.

I made it all the way through this morning with that smile. And then he called again! :)

Departures

2011-01-20T18:51:00.000-08:00

My Mr. is boarding a plane as I type. The dog is whimpering and sniffing around looking for him. I'm just sad.

He's going to do great work and help the Army do important work and come home safely. And I'll be busy with work and friends and classes that start again next week. Three months will fly by - right?

No running :(

2011-01-06T19:48:00.000-08:00

This week has been great. I love my new job. I feel like I have landed in a professional setting where my skills are going to be utilized, and my knowledge and expertise is valued. It is a bureaucracy, so I am already developing a list of things that are going to drive me nuts*...maybe forever...but the big picture outlook is good.

But getting into the groove of this new gig, coupled with the cold weather, has meant that I have not run once this week. I went 3 miles on Sunday but nothing else since. Boo. Must do better.

*High on the list of annoying things is not being allowed to install any programs on your computer without the assistance of IT. Adobe Flash Player download? Nope, not without an appointment with the IT guy who leaves at 3:30. Boo.

Full-time work is...a lot of hours

2011-01-04T19:46:00.000-08:00

I realize that sounds silly to those of you with long-standing full-time jobs. I used to have one of those, too. And then I didn't...for 2.5 years. And now I do - and I'm actually SUPER excited about the job - but I forgot how LONG 8 hours a day really is.

I'm tuckered out on Day 2. Time to buck up and rally for Day 3. Wish me luck.

New Year, New Things

2011-01-02T08:43:00.000-08:00

Hello dear readers and happy new year! The start of 2011 brings with it many new things for the Mr. S and I. And not a minute too soon. 2009 was a busy, wonderful, difficult year for us, but 2010 nearly ate us alive. So we are both looking forward to a new calendar year and a feeling of a new start.

And while I am personally hoping for a calmer year, I think the fates have other things in store for us. January is usually a time for new beginnings and each of us is having a new start this month...in our own ways. Here's the run-down on January 2011 in the Newly Mr. & Mrs. S Family:

January 3 - I start a new job putting my new MA in education to work, hopefully for the betterment of public charter schools in the nation's capital. I'm still plodding along with PhD coursework, but I'll be taking classes part-time and seeing how that goes. The new job is directly related to my research interest, so while I know that life will still be busy, I think that all of my energy will be directed toward the same ends. In other words, everything fits through my "life mission filter."

January 20 - The Mr. leaves for a 3 month stint working on a project in Afghanistan. Yup - Afghanistan. He's a civilian, but will be working with the military and living on a base for his time there. He'll be leading a research project for the think-tank where he works. And he's pleased to have the chance to go and work on this task. As he keeps telling anyone who wonders why he volunteered to go, "If my time there can either help the military improve their work or in any way get them out of there faster, it will be worth it."

I'm trying to see each of our opportunities as blessings. We've had such a rough year together, but its been a rough year for my Mr. personally, too. He's been unhappy with his work and this post in Afghanistan is the first thing he's been really excited about in months. And I owe it to him to support his career goals and his work - as he's always supported mine. Lots of people questioned my desire to teach in the schools I did, with the kids I worked with, in the neighborhoods where those kids lived. Not my Mr. He embraced my choices and now it is my turn.

But I'm not gonna lie - I'm scared. I hate the thought of him being gone and I worry that he's going to a war zone. I remind myself that he's only gone for 3 months and he's going to do research. We have family friends whose sons deploy this month. Both of these men will be in Afghanistan for a year and both will be expected to purposefully put themselves in harm's way on patrols off-base. There are fiancees, sisters, and moms these guys leave behind who will be worrying about them, too. So maybe I'm lucky - my worry will be over more quickly than theirs.

And the Mr. has assured me that his New Year's resolution is to come home from Afghanistan safely. So I'm gonna hold him to that.

I've got two resolutions for 2011 that I need to be held to:
1. To work on being more calm. I tend to be anxious...and then overreact to things. I need to take it down a notch - for me. Getting through three months without my Mr. will test this one, but I'm a determined gal.

That one goes hand in hand with this one:
2. To run multiple races of multiple distances. Running makes me calm. Signing up for races keeps me motivated to run. Races - here I come! My first one is in February - a Valentine's weekend 5k with some of my girlfriends. It's aptly named "Love the Run You're With." Clever, no?

So dear readers, I hope to be here more often as I work on these two resolutions. Will you help hold me to them? I'm going to write about running, about working on calm, about my worries, and maybe even about the house projects I plan to tackle while the Mr. is away. (Hello painting!) I plan to keep following your blogs, too. I look forward to you all popping up in my Google Reader each day, so keep your smart, sassy-gal writing coming.

End of the Semester

2010-12-01T22:38:00.001-08:00

The end of the semester is always rough. It was hard when I was an undergraduate (and a MS/HS student...) because I would procrastinate on whatever tasks I had to do and then get all amped up at the eleventh hour and drive the people around me nuts with my attempts to cram weeks worth of work into days or hours. I inevitably got it all done, but usually drove myself and my roommates (or my parents) a bit crazy in the process.

And now as a grad student (who is also a wife and a work-er...I have two jobs...both part-time...too much, I know), I realize that I still have many of the same bad procrastination habits that I've had since I was 13. Only life is more complicated at 33. And it's probably time to try and grow out of this, right?

So, that's why its 1:45 in the morning on a weeknight and I'm wide awake and blogging. I have papers to write, job tasks to complete, and the semester is racing towards its conclusion. I'll get it all done, but I'll drive myself nuts in the process, and the Mr., too. Which really isn't very nice. Or fair. And surely isn't good for all that ails us right now.

But how do I break out of this? Here's a few things I know I need to do differently going forward:

1. Be more realistic about my own time. There are only 24 hours in a day and at least some of them should be spent asleep. Others should be used for exercise. I'm told that helps keep people sane.

2. Be honest about my own limitations. Just because I am capable of doing something does not mean that I should take it on. This is where learning the word "No" (or the phrase "No thank you" - I like to be polite) would be super-handy.

3. Learn how to say no.

4. Realize that asking the Mr. for support and dumping my stress and crap on him are two different things. Support is good. Dumping your stress on your spouse is bad.

5. Set some clear goals for what I really want to do academically and professionally and make sure that I am spending my time toward these goals. At the school I helped open in LA we used to talk a lot about the "mission filter." We had a mission statement for the school and when we made decisions about curriculum, disciplinary plans, etc. we would put all of the ideas through the "mission filter" to see if they lined up with what we as a school were striving for. I think maybe I need a mission statement so that I can set up a mission filter for myself.

I'll add that to the list of new semester resolutions...

Oh the smart-funny

2010-11-21T10:39:00.000-08:00

Remember my comment about liturgical dance the other day? A friend posted this on Facebook and I LOVE it. Watch and laugh.

Rational Analysis = Impossible

2010-11-20T18:26:00.000-08:00

I am not supposed to be blogging right now. Instead, I am supposed to be writing an analysis of an education policy from a rational perspective.

But you know what? A strictly rational approach to decision making is impossible. Want citations? See Graham Allison (1999) or Donna Kerr (1976) or Charles Lindbloom (1959). All of these smart, published people agree: a strict rational approach to decision making is simply not possible for humans. We cannot know all possible alternative solutions to a given problem. And even if we could (and we can't...), we mere mortals cannot construct a pure cost-benefit analysis of the infinite options to choose the one perfect solution to our initial problem.

I know this because I am supposed to be writing a 50-page, multiple perspectives policy analysis. And yet...it comes in handy in other respects this week.

If rational decision making is impossible for policy makers, gosh darn it if it isn't even harder in emotional, interpersonal relationships.

That's my deep thought for the night. That and this: Love is an act of will.*

*This was in the comments of APW from a bride who said their officiant used it in the ceremony. Awesome.

The Chapel

2010-11-16T14:16:00.000-08:00

I'm not very religious. There was a time in my life when I went to church a lot. I like to sing, and Catholic masses have a great deal of music. Some churches even have good music. Soul-filling music. Happy tunes. My college even had liturgical dancers at some masses (think hippy-dippy swirling chiffon skirts and arms waving...think awesome).

But I never felt devout. And surely don't now.

But there is little in the world that feels more still and serene and like a safe place to cry (for me) than a chapel.

Today I went to the National Shrine in DC. I had to visit a school for work and it was right down the street from the Basilica. I walked around and admired the art. Honestly, the main sanctuary is a bit gaudy for my tastes. I like Gothic architecture. St. Patrick's Cathedral in NYC, the Cathedral at Koln in Germany - those ring my aesthetic bells.

But the chapels at the Basilica are all sorts of different styles. I poked about for 20 minutes or so looking for one that would be a good place to sit and breathe for a few minutes.

I ended up in the Mary, Queen of Ireland chapel. Which was not an accident. I used to sing a song in church called Lady of Knock back when I taught Catholic school. Our Lady of Knock, Queen of Ireland - all different names for the same homage to Mary. The picture on the Basilica's website makes it look garish, so I won't post it. It's got a marble statue of Mary and Jesus (basically required...), but the statue is in the middle of a fountain, so there's a nice trickling water sound - soothing. There are maps of Ireland and Celtic art in the marble on the walls. And it had benches.

So I sat. And cried. Because life is pretty darn hard these days. And nobody bothers you when you're crying your eyes out in a chapel.

Tough Times

2010-10-27T07:13:00.000-07:00

The Mr. S and I are in a rough spot. Maybe more than a spot. I don't know what to say about it. It's bad. That's about all I can say. That's about all I feel right now. Bad.

So, not that I've been the most regular blogger, but I'm signing off for a while.

We'll see how things come out on the other side.

Wedding Pictures

2010-10-21T05:36:00.000-07:00

We've been married for 1 year and 1 month and 16 days and I JUST put a picture from our wedding in a frame.

Before I got married I thought it was crazy when friends would say "Yeah, we've been married for 5 years and I don't have an album yet." Now I get it. After all the planning and the marrying and the honeymooning is over, you go back to real life. And real life is busy!

Running just as fast as we can...

2010-10-17T13:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my dad and I ran our 3rd half-marathon together. Neither of us was as well trained as we had been for our other races but we ran it nonetheless. And we finished. Standing up. And we can both walk today. These are good things.

I finished in 2:28:15. That's a full 15 minutes slower than my time in the first race, three years ago. And it got me thinking back to that race...

At mile 12, I told my dad, "Dad, I think I'm going to marry him." I was, of course, talking about my Mr. who was waiting for me at the finish line and who had been my cheerleader through all of the training.

Yesterday the Mr. was at Mile 3 with my mom and my brother, cheering me on. He was at brunch after the race and he was there to offer me Advil and help me up the (looooooong) flight of stairs to bed on Saturday night.

Three years ago the Mr. and I were in the throes of giddy dating awesome-ness. We were just starting to work on the house and had no idea of the difficulties it would present in our life. We both liked our jobs. We both felt like we were on top of the world.

Three years later we live in a beautiful, but still not finished home. We have been through the wringer with contractors and mistakes and leaks and more money than either of us wants to think about. I'm waiting on formal offers from two new jobs and the Mr. continues to search for one that will make him happier. We both feel a bit more beaten down than we did that day on 2007, and we're each handling it differently. The Mr. tends to withdraw and I tend to wrap myself up in as much activity as I can...which often backfires by creating additional stress.

I'm finding that running is really helping me keep my stress manageable. I can actually feel a physical difference in my response to stress on days that I do not run. I'm giving myself a 2 day break after this last race, but tomorrow it's back to the trail.

Patience and Practice

2010-10-13T08:02:00.000-07:00

I commented over at APW today about what I’ve been “deeply wanting” (Meg’s words) in my marriage. Deep, meaningful, dare I say romantic, relationship conversation is what I deeply want.

I want to imagine aloud with the Mr. about the wonders of how we found each other and how cool that is and how we have this one precious life together and how we ought to spend it in amazing ways. And yet our conversations tend to center around the songs we rocked out to when we were in middle school. Or about the latest shameless antics of the pooch. Or about the crazy shenanigans of politicians whose beliefs we find abhorrent. Or about the multiple projects we need to tackle in our ever-evolving home renovation. These are awesome and valuable conversations. And I hate that I feel like they lack something. I read what the ladies at APW have to say about their partnerships and I am inspired…but also envious. I want what they (seem to) have. I hate that I feel like I want, but don’t have. It makes me feel ungrateful.

But when I came back to the comments a few hours later…I found the wonderful ladies of APW providing yet more inspiration and doling out wisdom.

So the words of the week (month? year? decade?) are patience and practice.

I am impatient in many things and I want to practice greater patience. And if anyone deserves to benefit from that newfound practice of patience, it’s the Mr. He bears the brunt of my impatience far too often.

And besides practicing patience, I need to embrace the idea of practice. I taught middle school for 7 years. I sucked at teaching middle school for the first two years. Year 3 was much better. By Year 4, I was mentoring other teachers. And yet I guess I though marriage would be different. That I would get the hang of it more quickly. That the Mr. and I would just be naturals. We’re both pretty smart, pretty accomplished, pretty good at lots of other things. Why not marriage? Does that sound as ridiculous as I think it does?

Patience and practice. Patience and practice. Patience and Practice. And acceptance and gratitude.

Onward.

Things that make the crazy better

2010-10-05T06:36:00.000-07:00

I take on too much. Always have. Probably always will. But I've been thinking, in the midst of the "crazy" I have made for myself this fall, of all the things that make me feel better amidst the crazy. Here's a short list:

Pumpkin bread with chocolate chips, baked by my husband
Running
Snuggling with the pooch...on the couch...under a blanket
Coffee
Realizing that the people who love me love my crazy, too...most of the time :)

Feelin' good

2010-09-26T12:55:00.000-07:00

Today I feel like a bad-ass. Allow me to explain:

The Mr. and I hosted some friends (and a baby) for dinner last night - nothing fancy, just turkey burgers on the grill - and had a fantastic time. We are really lucky to have good friends with partners whose company we both enjoy.

The women in both couples are friends of mine from my previous teaching job. They are awesome and the Mr. has always liked them. In the time we've been friends, both of them got married. To equally awesome men. The Mr. likes their male counterparts, too. So, while these fine folks technically qualify as (and the Mr. classifies them as) "my friends," they are people with whom we can both spend enjoyable evenings socializing.

We had good food, good drink, good talk, and excellent dessert (did I mention that one gal married a guy with serious pastry chef experience? Hello flourless chocolate cake with home made whipped cream!). We went to bed full and happy. Happy is a not-all-the-time kind of feeling for us in the last year. Happy feels nice.

And then I got up this morning and went on a training run.
7.5 miles.
In 1 hour and 12 minutes.
Now, I'm no math whiz, but www.mapmyrun.com tells me that this means I ran at a 9:34 minute/mile pace.
What?!!!

(My running shoes)

Seriously. I felt like a real runner. Like the super-fit people working at the running store where I buy my recreational-runner shoes. Like one of those totally healthy looking women on the pages of Runner's World.

I realize that a 9:34 is slow. Slow for real-runners. But for me? That is super fast. Whee!

And now I'm feeling good about my 10 page policy analysis paper. It may actually be taking shape. Which is good because it is due at 4 pm tomorrow.

So, given the events of the weekend...
(1. Successful grown-up socializing
2. Freakin' awesome training run
3. Actual progress on an academic assignment)
...I feel like a bad-ass.

This week

2010-09-22T08:17:00.000-07:00

This week is crazy. Last week was crazy. Next week is my birthday, and by all accounts, that week will be crazy, too.

It's mostly good crazy - a newly cleaned out basement, a set of great grad school classes, exciting work through my consulting gig, a full-time job offer to start in January, and pretty good training runs.

It's also some not-so-good crazy - a hubby with a rotten, lingering, cold, a crappy week at my graduate assistantship, and a feeling that I can't find a moment to stop and take a breath.

This week looks like this:
But with a cute new Carey-Mulligan-esque haircut.

Relaxation

2010-09-11T14:31:00.000-07:00

These were the views from my beach blanket today:

A late-summer weekend at the beach with my husband...awesome.

One Year

2010-09-06T19:01:00.001-07:00

365 days
8760 hours
525,600 minutes
31,536,000 seconds
Infinite numbers of feelings

We made it. And it feels good.
*The first photo is what our wedding felt like, but the bottom photo is a much better likeness of what our life looks like.
I call it "What!?"

August...in recap

2010-08-30T18:12:00.000-07:00

I finished my internship - it was an amazing experience that opened a ton of professional options and introduced me to a wonderful new bunch of friends. It also opened a whole can of worms on what I should be doing with my academic and professional future. More on that in the coming weeks...

We went on vacation to Maine. It was awesome. And much needed. The coast of Maine is a beautiful place and Acadia National Park did not disappoint. We climbed, hiked, ate blueberries and black raspberries right off of the bushes, cracked steamed lobsters, and watched for whales. We also spent some time reconnecting, arguing, crying, and then coming home to resume life as we know it.

We spent the weekend in Ohio visiting the Mr.'s grandmother for her 100th birthday. We spent time with his parents and our niece and nephew...and a barn cat that nearly convinced me to bring her home.

And now we move on to September. A month of anniversaries and birthdays and back-t0-school and certain stress. And we keep on muddling through - together all the while.

Soon and Very Soon

2010-08-16T11:09:00.001-07:00

We are going to see this

And this

And maybe even a few of these guys

Because we are going here
Vacation here we come!!!

*images from The National Park Service, OutdoorBound.com, inUSA.com, and RangerDoug.com

Some things we don't talk about...

2010-08-15T07:19:00.000-07:00

I really like the song "Never Say Never" by The Fray. It starts out like this:

Some things we don't talk about
better do without
just hold a smile
we're falling in and out of love
the same damn problem
Together all the while

And I haven't the faintest clue what the band was thinking when they wrote the song, but I think it applies well to our marriage.

Next month we celebrate our first anniversary. And I am excited - and proud - that we have made it through. The old-married folks at our wedding who told us "marriage is hard" were right as far as I can tell.

I think I thought that being married meant being able to talk about anything and everything and having a safe space to do that. What I didn't realize is that it also meant knowing when not to talk. Knowing when it was better to let things go and move on. Knowing when the talking that you did do would end in tears and hard choices. Knowing that you would f*ck things up in ways you could not possibly have imagined and then fix things in ways that still boggle your mind.

I have learned that marriage means having to face unpleasant truths about yourself as well as your partner. It also means finding out wonderful things you didn't know about each other.

We've taken the good with the bad and we're still together. That sounds bittersweet, and maybe it is, but I'll take it. We've got each other and that's pretty good.

Laughter. And cats and dogs.

2010-08-10T16:41:00.001-07:00

Sometimes something goes missing from your life and you are so wrapped up in everything that you miss it. At least, I missed something. The past few months have been R.O.U.G.H. for the Mr. and I. And in all that was happening, I missed out on what was not happening.

Laughter.

We used to laugh so much. He could make me laugh till my belly hurt. We laughed about the dog, about friends, about the ridiculous situations we found ourselves in. We laughed ALL the time.

But for the past few months, the laughter was on vacation. I hope it went somewhere seriously fun. Because, in retrospect, we missed it.

But - it came back. I'm not sure when it returned, exactly. I realized it was back in town the other night when we had this conversation in bed:

Me: I realized that you are a cat person and I am a dog person. But not like people usually mean.

Him: Um...

Me: You are like a cat. You are totally self-sufficient and kind of aloof and you don't need or want a lot of affection. But me, I'm like a dog. I crave affection and affirmation and snuggling and I am totally a people pleaser. Right?

Him: So, are you going to start to wiggle your butt like the dog to get me to pet you?

Me: (erupts in snorting giggles)

Reunion

2010-08-02T19:39:00.000-07:00

This weekend we attended the Mr.'s annual family reunion. It was really special. There were so many aunts, uncles, cousins, and grand-kids, and all the stories and laughter that come along with them. There was also a tremendous amount of food - and desserts to die for.

And there was us. Imperfect and rough around the edges after nearly a year of marriage, but there nonetheless.

And we had a great time. It was a reunion of sorts for us, too.

Opting out

2010-07-21T19:45:00.001-07:00

One of the most frustrating communication differences between my Mr. and I is the "opt out." When I bring up a conversation that he is uncomfortable with, he has a tendency to opt out. By this I mean that he does not talk. Or he says he is tired. Or he shakes his head and says, "I don't know what to say."

In all fairness, this is a strategy that may be useful at times. When we argue about something and it gets really nit-picky, sometimes his remaining quiet actually helps end the disagreement.

But lately, he opts out of non-arguments. He opts out of conversations that I wish were non-negotiable. Conversations that I see as non-negotiable.

Hmmm...that sounds bad, doesn't it?

The Weekend Part #2: Curb-side Finds

2010-07-18T17:43:00.000-07:00

When we had friends over for a cookout last month, we moved our old porch furniture to the back of the house for additional seating. Since then, the porch has looked lonely. I had been contemplating buying a set of plastic Adirondack chairs from Target a few weekends ago, but never got to the store to pick them up. And then, on Sunday, while driving to the Farmer's Market, I spotted something on the side of the street in my neighborhood.

A bit dirty. A little rickety. But far too cute to leave for the trash pickup, right? It wouldn't fit in the trunk of my little Civic, so I persuaded the husband to leave his work on the deck for a few minutes to go and pick it up in his "magic" car. (Which is magical because it can fit ANYTHING you need it to)

I continued on to the market and afterward stopped by the hardware store to pick up some screws to steady the armrests and some primer to prepare my find for its new life on our porch. While heading back home I passed ANOTHER find. No joke. This little guy was waiting for me just a few blocks from the first find and with a little creativity, it fit in the back seat of my car.

I had other things planned for the day, but I was so excited about my new finds, I decided to dive right in. Since the single-chair seemed to need more prep work, but less structural help, I started with it. First I washed it with damp rags and some dish-soapy water. That took care or the dust, dirt, and dead bugs. Then I sanded it with medium-grit sand paper to get off the flaking black paint and wood mold. It was a messy business, but when I was done, it looked much better.
I know that I didn't get off all of the old paint, but the primer I bought said that it was okay for use over previously painted surfaces without sanding. I also figured that as a free porch chair, it didn't need to be perfect, right?

Next, I applied a coat of the primer that the nice guy at ACE Hardware recommended.

And it worked great!

By the time I finished with this step, the day was growing late and the heat was getting to me, so I called it quits for the weekend. I'm planning to finish it off with a coat of high-gloss exterior white paint later this week and then move on to the double-chair next weekend.

Not bad for a day of trash-picking, eh? :)

The Weekend Part #1: Lotuses

2010-07-18T17:28:00.000-07:00

We went to the Kenilworth Aquatic Gardens on Saturday to brave the heat and check out the annual Lotus Festival. It did not disappoint.

Not bad for a National Park found by driving three blocks through some fairly notorious housing projects, right? It makes me think of my favorite book of all time, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. Trees grow in even the city concrete...and lotuses grow in southeast DC.

Along with cattails...and some unidentified pretty purple flower with cool bulbous roots.

Tick Tick Tock Goes the Biological Clock

2010-07-09T12:02:00.000-07:00

I am officially crazy for babies...of all species.

Marriage Must-read

2010-07-01T06:31:00.000-07:00

If you don't follow Meg at APW, you should. But whether you do or don't, you absolutely must go read this.

Go now.

Because marriage is hard. And it's okay to admit it.

Things that are new around here

2010-06-29T16:16:00.000-07:00

Summer is hectic, friends. Two jobs and a husband, house and dog* - whew! It is a busy, bustling summer around here. I thought that maybe we'd have a quiet summer after last year's wedding planning craziness...but not so much. Summer is, nonetheless, pretty darn great.

Here's some of what summer looks like so far. It looks like...

Summer storms that shatter backyard tables...

Like windows that get trim...

Like native local flowers inside the house...

And out...
Like cucumbers that grow in the garden...

And tomatoes...

And squash...

And herbs!

It also looks like my husband is back to building again. This time, he's "decking" us out.

Summer also looks like long runs with a good friend, wonderful new things I'm learning at my summer job, relaxing evenings with the Mr. and great food with friends. But I don't have pictures of those things. You'll just have to trust me on them.

*It wasn't Gracie's birthday. She was just the reluctant model. The hat was from our neighbor's 30th b-day party. Where a 9 year old chatted me up about my childhood birthday parties. And then gave me the hat, and a purple monster finger puppet.

Another Blog

2010-06-06T08:59:00.000-07:00

Well ladies, I am about to embark on my new summer fellowship and immerse myself in the business of urban education reform and public charter schools. I am super-excited to get started. And I obviously need another project to ensure that I don't get bored with a simple 9-5 job, right?

Enter Blog #2. "Reform-Minded: 10 Books in 10 Weeks"

I have been acquiring long-list of "books I ought to read" about education and education reform. I chatted with some of my classmates about how I ought to register for an independent study so that I can read these texts, write about them, and discuss them with other education folks.

And then I got a 10 week long fellowship in the city with a 45 minute one-way commute on public transportation. I can read on a moving train/bus and I now have 90 minutes of captive-time each weekday to do so.

I'm going to focus my summer energy on the book blog, so you may be seeing less of me here. But, if you have any interest in education policy, or books about it, you can find me over here:

http://reformmindedreading.blogspot.com/

Wish me luck!

What we do well

2010-06-04T12:07:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid, I had a book called Throw Out Wednesday (or something like that..) which was about a little girl's difficulty with spelling the word. I'd like to throw out this past Wednesday for other reasons. After re-reading my post from Wednesday I depressed even myself. I don't know what was with that day, but I'm glad its over now.

Today, I have happy things to say. Meg at APW spent today writing about money. And I realized that money is something the Mr. and I actually do well with. We are nothing alike as far as our thoughts on money, but we have made money work quite well for us. We came up with a budgeting system that works for us, and it has enabled us to have much better conversations about money and what we do with the money that we have.

I wrote - a lot - in the comments on Meg's blog, so I thought I'd just reproduce it below. And if you haven't been over there to read her post or the ensuing comments yet - go now. It's interesting to see all the ways partners are handling the subject of financial matters.

The Mr. and I don’t argue about money. But there are definite differences in our approaches to managing finances and when we decided to combine ours after we got married, we came upon the differences quickly.

I think of a budget as a way to plan out your money so that you can buy what you like, live the life you want, and save what you can. I work in education and have never made (and likely will never make…) anything like the kind of salary my engineer-lawyer Mr. does. But before marriage, I always made enough to live alone, belong to a gym, go out with friends, and keep myself in a comfortable-for-me supply of clothing and shoes.

My Mr. thinks of a budget as a way to meet your immediate life needs (roof over your head, food in your mouth, clothes on your back) and then save everything else. This has served him really well. He bought the house we live in together…by himself…and had money saved up to renovate it. I am awed and impressed by that. But…not enough to change my notions of a budget. I still think that spending money to enjoy life now is every bit as important as saving up to have money for later.

I like to think of my “budget model” as a moderate one, and the Mr.’s as conservative. And we have worked out a few compromises to keep us both satisfied and sane in light of our differences:

We have both paychecks deposited into a joint checking account and pay all us bills from there (I do the physical bill paying, by choice).

We have a joint savings account and have a set amount transferred to that account on “pay day” each month. That way our savings is taken care of up front, and it is not in our checking account begging me to spend it on something. ;)

We each have personal accounts that we transfer a set “allowance” to each pay day. I can spend mine on whatever I like and don’t have to “report” to the Mr. on how or why I spent my money. He gets to do the same. The amount of the allowance is equal, and since the Mr. is a saver, I am certain that he has money in his account left at the end of the month. I never do. But since the accounts are individual, we never have to see (and then potentially bicker…) about each others’ spending habits.

We used an excel spreadsheet to work out our monthly expenses, including non-monthly items split into monthly amounts. (Think pet care – my dog costs x amount annually in vet costs, so we divided that by 12 and figured out that cost per month). We subtracted that from our monthly income. This allowed us to have money “sitting” in checking for when the dog got sick/car broke down/etc and not have to immediately hit up our savings account.

With what was left, we talked about a monthly allowance that made sense to us. At first, we overestimated my ability to adjust to his frugality. I needed more money in the allowance to not feel constrained by our budget. Ultimately, we went with a moderated version of my monthly personal spending as an amount…which is why he always has money left over! I counted things like getting my hair cut, drinks with my girlfriends, the cost of a new blouse, etc. We settled on that and then what was left went into savings.

We’ve done some more “tinkering” since then – I think being open to adjustments is key to making a budget work. So far, so good. Nine months into our marriage we have more money in savings than I ever would have saved on my own, and I have learned to be far more choosy about what I really “need” to buy in terms of clothing and shoes. It feels nice.

A few thoughts on marriage in the face of many divorces

2010-06-02T12:35:00.000-07:00

The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds - they mature slowly.
~Peter De Vries

I saw this quote last week and it was comforting. I thought, "Marriage is hard, but that's because you have a lifetime to work in it." I'm not naive. I know that marriages break up, in startling numbers, but they also last. Through tough circumstances. For years.

But this week...divorce is everywhere.

Our neighbors, married for more than 20 years, are splitting up. The Mr. and I learned this from another neighbor, who was originally going to let the husband live with him while the couple worked through the details of the divorce. The couple has high school and college-aged kids and the husband didn't want to be far while they still had a daughter at home. Now the wife is going to live away from the house for a while and her husband is staying put. She's going to live in a spiritual retreat center for a while while she mentally separates herself from her marriage. She's a very earth-mother type of person and this sounds a lot like what I would expect from her. It is also obvious that this couple grew apart. They are not the same people now that they were when they married each other. If they met now, it is doubtful that they would even give each other a second glance.

And then there are the Gores. 40 years of tough-it-out partnership under their belts, and now they part ways. And it seems to have surprised folks. Especially since it seems decidedly non-scandalous. The break-up of this pair seems to frighten folks. It frightens me at not yet 9 months into my marriage.

What does one do in the face of uncertainty about something as big as marriage? It's weird, I think, because so much in life is uncertain - health, employment, etc, but the uncertainty of marriage scares me more than any of those things.

I know that death and taxes are life's only certainties, but none of the other uncertainty makes me shudder. I know I'll die some day. Hopefully it won't be for a while, but I am proud of the life I have lived so far and I accept that there are limits to what I can do to forestall the inevitable. I know that I could lose my job due to loss of grant funding or University cutbacks. But here too, what am I gonna do about that? Not much.

And yet, with marriage, I crave certainty. I want to believe that marriages break up because someone does something wrong or fails to do something right. That if both parties just work hard enough at marriage, that it will be successful. But that IS naive, I suppose.

Blech - what a downer I am today. Maybe it's the heat...

Taking to the Hills

2010-06-02T05:30:00.000-07:00

I will get to the stair post - I promise - but yesterday was busier than expected. And now, though I KNOW I can find plenty of ways to waste time in my house, I really should get to work. It's my last week of "normal" work at my University job before my summer fellowship starts and there's still a bunch of loose ends to tie up.

So, off I go, but I wanted to share my latest run. I took to the hills. Our town has just a few - the biggest one being in the middle of campus - but our neighborhood has a few steep, if short, hills. And this morning I added them to my usual short neighborhood run. Up one hill and back down again, up the next and down...it felt good.

Today: 3.19 miles - with hills :)

A teaser

2010-05-31T14:06:00.001-07:00

Of how our staircase went from this:

to this:

in one weekend.

On attempting to be a "big" person

2010-05-28T09:21:00.000-07:00

Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.
~Barnett R. Brickner

I am rarely the "bigger person" in inter-personal relations. I mean this in the symbolic, not the physical sense of the word. I am, after all, only 5'3" tall.

In other words, when things go wrong I am often petty and snippy when dealing with my loved ones. I have never been good at "taking a deep breath." Or at "walking away." Or at "counting to ten." Or at any of the things that "bigger people" do. I think such behaviors often come along with maturity. I seem to have some personal growth to do.

I am not proud of this.

But, and perhaps my Catholic upbringing is to be thanked for this, I feel the need to confess when I have behaved in such a way. And apologize for my behavior, of course. Now, having done the latter, I share the former with you.

After the Mr. and I had a "marriage is the d*mned hardest thing we've ever done" moment* on Wednesday, I rescinded my offer to stain and finish our stairs. I think it went something like this:

Me: Oh yeah, well, if that's how you feel, then I guess I don't need to contribute to YOUR house, do I? I guess I won't be finishing the stairs then, huh? I've suddenly got a free weekend ahead of me.

Him: (silence)

Not my finest hour.

And so I am attempting to be a bigger person after having been a very small person indeed. I am staining the stairs. I am finishing the stairs. I have two great friends who have offered their time and painting skills to help me and I am going to do it because it is the right thing to do. It is what mature people do. I'll fake that one till I make it.

I'm off to wrap up my last few hours at work before hitting the hardware store for the last of my supplies for the weekend. I'll have pictures of the process and the finished product next week.

*By moment I mean hours...okay maybe a day and a half so far...

Just when things seemed easy...

2010-05-27T05:49:00.000-07:00

...something happens to remind you that marriage is hard. *sigh*

Running, Running, Running

2010-05-26T05:32:00.000-07:00

I realized that I have allowed my attention-deficit tendencies to affect my promise to keep tabs on my running via the ol' blog. So, here's my update - Runs are continuing, albeit inconsistently. But my dear friend is inviting me to be a partner in her long training runs and I think that will help.

5/16 - 5 miles (with said awesome friend/training partner)
5/17 - 3.1 miles on the treadmill
5/23 - 2.6 miles
5/26 - 3.3 miles

I love the way I feel after I run, but dragging my butt out of bed to get to that feeling is OH so much harder. Any tips on that? Summer heat/humidity in the mid-Atlantic (we're forecast for 90 degrees today!) means that evening runs are far too easy for me to wrangle my way out of by blaming the weather. I want to eliminate my potential for excuse-making, so morning runs are a must for me.

When marital mind-reading works...

2010-05-25T06:41:00.000-07:00

At last night's "girls night" I got into conversation with a few married (newly and otherwise) gals. We were discussing the difficulties of scheduling and communication.

For instance, I didn't know that the Mr. had planned to get a bunch of guys to come over and start building a deck on our house this weekend. I had scheduled brunch with some of our friends for Sunday, and figured that a week's notice was enough to give him. Oops.

I learned from the other married gals that this is a common problem for them, too. Even for those with some years of practice under their belt. Calendars seem to work to make scheduling mishaps less common. A shared calendar, on the fridge, or elsewhere in the kitchen where both spouses write down dates of events. What a novel idea, right? (Note - My parent's have done this for years...I should have paid attention!)

Here's the remarkable thing: When I got home last night, cross my heart, the Mr. had brought a calendar home from his office. And written our various upcoming events on it. He, too, gets frustrated by our crossed lines of communication. And he took action to help us fix it. How great is that?

House Project 1: The Stairs - Wednesday morning Update

2010-05-19T06:25:00.000-07:00

We had a contractor come by this morning to take a look at things and give us a cost estimate on staining the stairs and railings, painting all of the downstairs ceilings, painting the staircase opening (ceiling, walls, and upstairs hallway walls), and "finishing" the staircase opening.

And a lovely blogger friend asked for some clarification about my staircase opening, so here's my attempt at re-phrasing my questions:

1. I feel pretty confident that I can sand, stain, and finish the stairs myself, with a little help from some house-elf friends. (And Magic stair-man told me that I could do it myself and save a bundle of $$). The Mr. thinks that we should pay a professional. He's a bit burnt out on the DIY aspect of home renovation, and rightly so after the amount of work he has put in already.
What would you do? Anyone have experience with sanding/staining floors or stairs? Advice? Directions to DIY sites that might offer me some insight on this?

2. How do we "finish" the opening of the staircase? For reasons that I do not fully understand, we could not simply drywall the opening of the staircase to meet up with the ceiling below, so the "walls" of the opening are actually made of fascia board. This left us with a weird gap where the walls meet the ceiling. Contractor man said that I should be looking at cove molding or other 1 x 2" trim options to cover up the edges. Here's a closeup of the problem spot:

(If you click on the picture, you can zoom in on the corner and see the gap between the ceiling and the wall.)

Here's what it might look like with crown molding:

image from http://www.torontomoulding.com/

But I fear that will look really "busy" in our open floorplan. Hmm...

Summer House Project 1: The Stairs

2010-05-18T12:53:00.000-07:00

I wrote a bit about our house a while back, but let me sum up here:

The Mr. bought a small, old, neglected house in a great neighborhood of the town where we live. He did this when we had been dating for a mere 4 months. He then proceeded to "renovate" it into a much larger, more open home that would be suitable for a modern family to grow in. I place "renovate" in quotes because when you see the pictures below it will appear as though he built a house from scratch. And in a way, he did.

When attempting to modify an old home, say by adding a second story to a bungalow, you may find (as the Mr. did) that the structure needs to be modified more significantly than you first imagined. Like, totally re-built. So, what began as a one-year renovation has become a three-year labor of love. And we are now ready to turn the house into a home.

Summer Project 1 is the staircase. We had a beautiful, 4 foot wide grand staircase custom-built by a meticulous stairbuilder. It is one of my favorite features of the house. But, it needs to be stained, and the stairway opening needs to be "finished" somehow.

Let's take a trip down memory lane with the stairway, shall we?
Here's the staircase 2 years ago, pre-magic stairbuilder:

And here's that same staircase in February 2009 - one month before we moved in:

We made do with the lack of handrails for quite a while, but we got proper floors down on the landing by mid-summer:
And while these aren't the best photos of the GORGEOUS job our stair-man finally did on the stairs, they'll do for now (We were all set up for our first Thanksgiving dinner this past fall):

So, here's the scope of Summer Project #1 and some questions for your feedback:
1. Stain/finish the stairs and railings (at last! No more brown paper on the steps...). But, do we do it ourselves over the long Memorial Day weekend or pay a painter?

2. Paint the risers (white) - again, DIY or contractor?

3. Paint the ceiling/walls of the staircase opening/landing and the trim along the walls below the stairs. We are definitely paying a contractor for this. Two short of stature married people + one wife who is afraid of heights = ceiling painting nightmare. Totally worth the money. ;)

4. Figure out what to do about this:

The ragged drywall edges where the ceiling meets the staircase opening. crown moulding? Trim of some other sort?

Feedback will be much appreciated...

Wrapping Up and Gearing Up

2010-05-17T06:45:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder where all my "down time" went.

I finished my paper Sunday night (helped along by an awesome 5-mile morning run with a good friend - nothing like exercise to get the blood flowing to the brain!) and sent it in to my professor. I took all of 25 minutes to sit and celebrate that accomplishment with a glass of wine, and then I started looking at the list of summer reading I want to accomplish. But I guess that is the life I am destined to lead.

Truth be told, I don't really know what to do with "down time."

So, after I walk across that stage on Friday I'm gearing up for two big summer plans:
1. The Summer Fellowship - working with charter school policy in DC on a potentially AWESOME project that will connect me with some serious movers and shakers in the local education scene.

2. House renovation my way - the Mr. bought a house and proceeded to totally renovate it into the beautiful space in which we now live. But that space is the bare bones of a "home." It needs lots of personalizing to take it from the great house that it is to become our home. And it has been neglected for nearly a year as we planned a wedding, started building a marriage and got me through my MA. But no more. Hello, home!

Stay tuned for the first project plan later today...

One more thing...

2010-05-13T19:22:00.000-07:00

I have one more paper to finish before the semester ends. And I just can't bring myself to write the stupid thing and hand it in. I ran the analyses (its a quantitative paper - my first), I presented my findings to my classmates. I dutifully noted their feedback. And now I just have to write the thing and hand it in and I am FREE till the fall. Paper deadlines just seem to have a weird, twisted hold on me. They drive me nuts, but I cannot seem to work through them without unnecessary whining and gnashing of teeth. Blech.

So, till the thing is emailed in, I must stay off the blog - its why I have been missing for the past week, too.

I leave you with this lovely image:

Proof that I can indeed make pretty boxplots worth writing about.

Springtime in Denver is Cold

2010-05-02T15:40:00.000-07:00

I'm in Denver. At a conference. And on May 2, this morning's temperature was 37 degrees. Nope, not a typo.

But other than having missed the East Coast heatwave, Denver has been a pretty cool place to be for an education nerd.

I have:

Met at least 6 authors whose work I regularly quote in my course papers
Sipped wine with a prof from another university whose work I wrote an ENTIRE paper about
Been invited to lunch by a prominent, neo-liberal scholar who is a charter school proponent. (And that was AFTER I told him that I am basically a socialist. He laughed. And did not rescind the invitation to talk about my research interests.)
Been told by three AWESOME women from NYU how interesting MY research sounds. One of them won an honorable mention for her own dissertation research.
Been invited by one of said rock-star NYU women to work on research together

I am in education research heaven. And am totally geeked-out on how much I am enjoying this new role.

But...I miss my Mr. And the pooch. And I'm looking forward to coming home to them in two days.

Successes and Joys

2010-04-27T06:43:00.000-07:00

The comps have been submitted. And graded. And...passed. Praise be!

I am so happy to have that monkey off my back that I have nearly forgotten about the final paper for my one "real class" this semester!

Now I can get busy ordering the expensive nonsense required to walk across the stage at graduation and make my Grama smile because I am the first woman in our family to earn an advanced degree. Which is something I never thought about before, but I now find pretty darn awesome.

Let me explain:
My mom and dad were married quite young. Like 18. And maybe, just maybe, it was MY fault...get my drift? They are still married, 30+ years later, and they still like each other. (Which, for this newly married chick, seems kind of an amazing feat*) And during the really early days of their marriage my dad was in college. First, he was out of state at a great, selective school on a scholarship. Then, he came home to be with me and my mom after I was born. He transferred, for his junior year, to a school closer to home. It was still a very good school.

But, my mom (at freakin' 19 years old!) realized that it was important for him to finish what he started at his out-of-state, private, rock-star university. And she sent him back for his senior year. And lived alone with me. AND went to nursing school. In short, my mom was (and is) a brave and amazing woman. One of my favorite pictures of she and I is from her nursing school graduation. I'm two and she's got on the old-school nursing whites with the cap and everything, and she's holding me and her diploma.

But, back in the day, nursing school was not a degree program. It was a professional certification, but not a BA. So, my rock-star nurse mom does not have a college degree. She DOES have 30+ years of nursing experience (including some serious time in a ER dealing with urban trauma patients...), but she admits to some wistfulness that she, unlike my dad and my brother and I, does not have a BA.

Oddly enough, neither does her sister - my godmother (head of benefits at some big pharmaceutical company) or her mother - my grandma (raised 4 kids, worked in a bank for 25 years, outlived 2 husbands, still walks and takes public transporation everywhere).

But these are the women who made me. And two of them will be sitting in the audience in three weeks as I walk across a stage and get my MA. Pretty freakin' awesome.

And, as I do that, my mom will prepare to do something else awesome and brave. She's joining the nurses who staff free, mobile health clinics in Appalachia. Because she says she's not done learning yet. **

*I love my husband. Marriage is still freakin' hard.
** I am now sobbing like a fool at my desk. My mom is awesome.

A Well-organized Office or My return to attempting to post about our home...

2010-04-18T07:37:00.000-07:00

The View from outside the office door (right after the floors were finished):

The other side of the empty office:

I know that there are pithy little signs that one can buy that say "A clear desk is a sign of a cluttered mind." I heartily disagree with this statement. I have a perpetually cluttered mind...and a cluttered desk. However, I find that un-cluttering the desk helps to bring a modicum of order to my thinking. It sure gives me less material with which to procrastinate!

So, in light of the large and looming final academic tasks of the semester, I spent a few hours yesterday bringing order to the chaos of our home office.

I should say that, because of the enormous renovations our house has undergone, calling this room an "office" is a bit generous. It is a room. With lovely unpainted, untrimmed French doors with glass panels. It has a desk and a small file drawer and several bookshelves. I keep my laptop and printer and assorted "school stuffs" in there, as well as papers pertaining to the Mr. and my life - bills and such. It also has a couch where the pooch spends most mornings napping. She likes to nap here first and wait for the mailman...so as to bark at him with great ferocity through the front window.

(The pooch, lying in wait.)

What it does not have is paint. Or trim. No baseboards. No artwork. Nothing cozy or homey about it. And because of it's "unofficial" office status, it tends to gather clutter. I use the clutter as a way to avoid using the office. Instead I hang out on the couch or on campus in the study lounge or at my favorite coffee shop back on the Hill. All of those places are fine for getting work done, but one of the benefits of having a home as sizable as ours should be having an inviting work space within it, no? That's what I hope for. I want a cozy chair to read in, a simple desk* for the computer, walls lined with books, a place for the Mr.'s cello, and photos.

But for now, since time and resources are limited at the end of the semester, I've settled for having an orderly, if not exactly "inviting" work space. Once the semester ends, this room is 1st on the list of summer house projects. And I'm taking suggestions. So, have a look-see at the pics and let me know if you have a vision for my room. What do you like in an office? What is your favorite inviting feature about your own work-space?

* The Mr. has a different desk vision than I do, and I may have to defer to his preference on that one. He sees a solid, oak, banker's desk in the room. A large, commanding piece of "man" furniture. His parents bought one for him at an estate sale and it is a beautiful piece of furniture, if not exactly my taste. I think it might be okay - a manly desk would be at home with the walls of books I plan to install, and a cozy chair and photos would tone down the testosterone.

The office as it stands now:

A tidy(if utilitarian) desk:
The organized chaos of office supplies:
One box worth of my books...the rest are waiting patiently in my attic:
Saturday: 2.8 miles running (on REALLY sore quads)

Firing on All Cylinders

2010-04-17T12:54:00.000-07:00

This last week was a masterpiece of multi-tasking if I do say so myself. The good news is that I was successful at most of the things I set out to accomplish and have actually taken some time to just relax this weekend. Really relax. Like not in front of the TV or the computer, but out on the porch in the sunshine with the dog kind of relaxing. I forget how good that feels. I'm glad I did it last night.

In other news, I went for a LONG run on Thursday afternoon. I was thinking about how marriage is still hard, and trying to figure out the best way to handle some of my frustrations with my own impatience at the rate at which things improve. (i.e. - I wish things were suddenly better and calm and happy and perfect right now...unrealistic? yes...do I care? no...see my problem?) I thought a nice long run in the spring air was the perfect remedy. And it was.

But, I live in the national capital region. And on Tax Day 2010 that meant that I shared the National Mall with the Tea Partiers. It made for an interesting run. Usually runs on the Mall involve dodging tourists and school groups. On Thursday, there were tourists and school groups and GIANT American flags and lots and lots and lots of "Don't Tread on Me" flags. So, I paused in my run to snap photos with my camera phone.

And with that, it's back to the comp exam.

Thursday: 5 miles (run/walk)

Checking in

2010-04-09T12:57:00.000-07:00

I couldn't really stay away for that long...

Good news:

I got the summer fellowship. Whee!
I finished my midterm. Hooray!
I wrote draft language for my Delegate that may one day be signed into law by the Governor. Woo hoo!
I am nearly ready to write the take-home three hour comp exam...

Other news:

Marriage is hard.

More on that tomorrow, but for now, read this via Meg @ A Practical Wedding:
On Weddings And How They Differ From Marriage (wishing you twin elephants)

Happy Friday, friends.

Going dark

2010-04-05T09:02:00.000-07:00

I'm going dark for a few days. I have the following on my to-do list:
1. Complete ginormous quant. applications midterm
2. Write one Master's comp question response (3 hours, timed, on-my-honor)
3. Read articles for second Master's comp question
4. Worry about whether or not I got this summer fellowship
5. Go to actual paying job
6. Go to State Capitol fellowship during last week of crazy-busy legislative session
7. Eat/Sleep/Walk dog/Run/Bathe...you know, live?

And with all of that in play, the Mr. and I have some potentially big a** decisions to make. Unpleasant, potentially life altering sh*t kind of decisions.

So, I'll be absent for a bit. Wish me luck. See you on the other side of the next few weeks.

*Note the new old pic of the Mr. and I. That was the night we got engaged. A simpler, more care-free time for both of us. I'm kinda wistful for it right now.

Better

2010-04-03T08:46:00.000-07:00

This week was a really good one. I balanced better. I had the most unusual interview of my life thus far, but I enjoyed it. I took my baby brother out to dinner to celebrate his move out into his own place. I ran. Life is good.

Yesterday: 2.6 miles walk to/from work; 2 mile run

Elusive Balance

2010-03-30T15:49:00.000-07:00

I'm mildly ashamed to have agreed to post my running on the blog. Because I seem to have a hard time getting my rear in gear to actually run. Not because I'm lazy. Because I can't figure out how to do my HW and got my job and eat/sleep/be married AND run.

Ah, the elusive work-life balance problem.

Perhaps one day I will find a long-term solution. For now, I shall resume my juggling.

Today: 1.2 miles (again); walk to/from work = 2.6 miles

Best Skill Ever

2010-03-28T12:19:00.000-07:00

The Mr. and I took a knife skills class last night at a local kitchen-goods store. We learned all about knives, proper slicing and chopping techniques, sharpening and honing knives, and some fancy French words for the various types of cuts a chef can make.

But the best part of the class was the lesson in how to properly dice an onion. Who knew?
Check it out: How to Chop an Onion

End of week slump

2010-03-26T11:09:00.000-07:00

The week started out with such promise: nice weather, a good - though short - run, a nice evening with the gals, and lots of energy. The week is ending with: rain, cold, the possibility of an overnight freeze, and a major energy slump. So naturally I counteracted that with...fast food for lunch. Spring is a fickle season and I am all too prone to follow its ridiculous changes in mood.

And, in a tale too ironic to make up, here's what Spring wrought upon our married life last night:

The Mr. sliced off the edge of his finger with one of our fabulously fancy cooking knives while chopping greens for a lovely vegetarian meal. It refused to stop bleeding for hours, so we headed to the ER at 11:30 pm in the pouring rain and finally got home at 2:00 am with his finger wrapped in space-age medical foam and layers of gauze.

Tomorrow night, we go to the cooking class I bought him for his recent birthday. Knife Skills 101. I swear. Cross my heart.

Woo hoo!

2010-03-23T13:41:00.000-07:00

I made it to the next round for the summer fellowship! Woo hoo!

Springtime Running

2010-03-23T06:30:00.000-07:00

Winter makes me want to curl up and eat melty cheese dishes accompanied by dark beer and followed by decadent desserts of the dark chocolate variety. Spring, on the other hand, makes me want to lace up my Sauconys and see the sunrise from outside while trotting through the neighborhood.

I have never been what anyone would call "athletic." I've always been active, but sports and I just never really got along. Hand eye coordination (what my early childhood colleagues would call "gross motor skills") just isn't my strong suit. I never joined any of those adult rec league teams like softball or kickball because it would take a great deal of alcohol to make me relax enough to not feel self conscious about how many times I would drop the ball. I am a pretty strong swimmer and swam for teams in junior high and high school, but when my teammates started training for Junior Olympic trials, I realized that I lacked that "will to win" instinct.

So imagine my surprise when I discovered that I like to run.

I moved back East about 3 1/2 years ago after 5 years on the West coast. My dad and mom had trained for a marathon together while I was living in LA - he ran, she walked. They were super proud of themselves, and my dad wanted to make this a new habit. Mom...not so much. So, when I got back to town, he set his sights on recruiting me. While I demurred from the full-marathon challenge, I accepted the offer to train for and run a half-marathon together.

In October 2007 I ran the Baltimore Half-Marathon with my dad, and at mile 12, I told him that the man waiting with my mom at the finish line was the man I planned to marry. After we finished the race (ahead of our goal time!), my dad advised me that telling a 50 year old man with high blood pressure something like that after 12 miles of running was a bad idea. Nonetheless, he spoke passionately about our running together when he toasted the Mr. and I at our wedding this past September.

Though I'm not what anyone would call a competitive racer, I've run a few different events since that first half with my dad. We're registered to run the Baltimore race again this fall and it's time to get training again. I'm going to try posting my mileage here to keep myself honest. And perhaps I'll pick up some motivation from you lovely lady bloggers. Any other runners out there?

Today: 1.2 miles

Grey Monday and a hot office

2010-03-22T07:27:00.000-07:00

It is the first day back in the office after the University spring break and it is off to a bad start. Here's why:

1. The sky is grey. I actually like springtime rain, but rainy Monday's after beautiful weekends are particularly rough on my motivation.

2. Our men's b-ball team lost in the final seconds of the tournament last night. I am generally un-invested in NCAA basketball, but the mood on campus matches the grey sky, adding to the "meh" Monday feeling.

3. My office is 83 degrees. I am not exaggerating for effect. That's the reading on the thermostat. It makes it really difficult to focus. And I have no windows to open. Meh.

So, I am considering relocating my morning to the student union study lounge and trying to figure out what portable work I can take with me.

Wishing I could go back to the weekend. It looked like this:

(pics above: 1 = our cucumber and tomato seedlings sprouting...right next to our unfinished kitchen windows; 2 = my herbs and flowers out in the yard; 3 = our friends' newborn happily napping on my hubby's chest on Sunday morning, her 7th day on the planet.)

Information Overlaod and Shades of Grey

2010-03-19T06:54:00.000-07:00

Last night I attended a very cool networking event for young education professionals in DC. After the wine/cheese/chat portion of the evening, there was a panel discussion featuring four education writers. One, Michelle McNeil, was a classmate of mine in a course last summer and I was interested to hear her speak in her professional capacity as an EdWeek writer. The discussion was entitled "Black and White and Blogged All Over" and panelists were asked various questions about the role of education journalists and the future of education news.

The panelists all commented on two issues plaguing education journalism:
1. The difficulty of catching readers' attention in an age of information overload which leads to...
2. The polarization of topics and the decline of nuance in reporting.

I would go further and argue that these issues are problematic for journalism in general and consumers of news.

I know that I have a difficult time figuring out what to read in the limited time I have. Do I read the Washington Post paper edition in the morning, or check out the online updates, columns, and blogs throughout the day? Are new magazines worth reading and, if so, do I check out the bite-size articles in TIME and Newsweek, or commit to the hours it will take me to get through the Economist? What about education trade publications like EdWeek? And then where do ed blogs fit into the mix? (Not my lovely lady bloggers - you all are part of my recreational reading!)
All of this, of course, in addition to the journal articles I am reading to keep abreast of the recent research in education policy.

Then, once I've read the many multiple sources of information, how do I begin to interpret what I've read? Since most news coverage, education or otherwise, endeavors to give me "both sides of the story," how do I find out what else there is to know, since surely there are MORE than 2 sides to every story!?

What do you, educated lady bloggers, think about all of this?

Green Rivers, Long Drives and Crossed Fingers

2010-03-18T11:33:00.000-07:00

We went on a whirlwind road trip last weekend to take advantage of my spring break. The Mr. and I left town early Friday morning and drove to Chicago. After 11 rather fun hours in the car (seriously - I read Cosmo articles out loud in my best sex-kitten voice while he drove and he was an awesome DJ while I drove), we visited with friends, watched the river dyed green by the local plumbers union, attended a lovely wedding, visited some more friends, and then hit the road for Michigan. After a short and all-together pleasant visit with the Mr.'s family, we headed back to the nation's capital. A lot of driving, a little bickering, and some great food later, it was back to real life.

And in this week's episode of my real life: I had an interview for a summer fellowship today and am now waiting with bated breath for the 72 hour window in which they will notify me of my success/failure at said interview. Fingers crossed.

A Normal Weekend

2010-03-08T06:21:00.000-08:00

For perhaps the first time in a year, we had a "normal" weekend. I know that normal is a relative term, but this weekend was OUR normal, and getting back to normal felt nice.

We had a dinner and a movie date on Friday night. We ran our respective errands on Saturday and then spent a nice relaxing dinner with friends (and had a small misadventure with a dog-bite...story for another time). Sunday involved yard work, exercise, school work, some Oscar-watching - super relaxing and awesome.

The best part of normal was that the Mr. and I got back to relating normally to one another. We spoke lovingly, disagreed respectfully, and generally felt comfortable around each other. It seems a strange accomplishment to be proud of, but for now these little things are big.

(Gracie likes to help with yard work. She moves the sticks around. And chases away the squirrels.)

Rough Times

2010-03-04T07:50:00.000-08:00

I'm having a rough time these last weeks - the Mr. and I are struggling with each other, my class is kicking my butt, work is generally unfulfilling, and feel generally scattered and unable to focus on much. The house postings are on hold till I get a hold of some of this stuff.

But this made me smile today: Puppies

A Tale of Two Houses

2010-02-18T19:46:00.000-08:00

This has been a busy week and I have been an absent blogger. I hope to make up for that in the next two weeks with a series of posts about the "almost finished house" referenced in my profile. On March 1st we will have lived in our home for 1 year. We have been working on it since October of 2008. And we've come a long way baby!

For tonight, I'll leave you with just a teaser...

This was the photo the Mr. and I used on our Save the Date postcards for the wedding:

We moved into the house a month later. Yes, that house. The one in the picture. Without walls. Or floors. Minor details, people.

A Choice to be Happy

2010-02-11T18:48:00.000-08:00

In a rather philosophical turn of conversation tonight, the Mr. and I got to talking about happiness. And I said that being happy is a choice. And the Mr. said that sounded rather Pollyanna-ish.

What do you think? Is happiness something that you can choose to find, cultivate, grow? Or is it something that you get by having made some sequence of correct choices and having arrived at the magical recipe for a state of being?

A Blizzard of Bonding

2010-02-10T06:37:00.000-08:00

Maybe you've heard that Washington, DC is poised to hit record snowfall amounts this winter? Or that the Federal Government has been closed all week? Or that our Metro has been running pretty spotty service with no above-ground trains to the 'burbs (where my Mr. and I now live)?

All of this = no work for me or the Mr. and LOTS of bonding time at home. Which...is going surprisingly well. We haven't gone totally stir crazy. We have made a bit of progress on some home improvement projects. And we have a very happy puppy who is thrilled that her humans have decided to stay home and keep her company.

Here's some documentation from this morning's Gracie walk:

Kaiser Snowze...

2010-02-06T07:30:00.000-08:00

...is my favorite of the names that the local weather blog suggested for our massive snowstorm. And here's my footage of the snow from this morning:
Our Metro station is closed - no above ground service until tomorrow at the earliest.

Gracie gets to be off-leash in the middle of the street. It's a snow-loving doggie dream!

Various views from our front porch...we think we have about 20"!

More photos to come...

Snow and heat

2010-02-04T17:23:00.000-08:00

We have had no heat in our house for the past two days. At nearly any other time in my life, that statement would have shocked me. But after the two years of home renovations that the Mr. and I have lived through, it is par for the course. Have you seen The Money Pit? We're living it.

But, a bright spot has appeared on the horizon.

For all of the bad luck, bad breaks, bad deals we have had with this house, we seem to have lucked out today. A giant snowstorm is poised to hit the DC area tomorrow. The local weather guys are calling it a snowpocalypse. And our heat is operational. Today. BEFORE the snowstorm.

It's a minor miracle. Thank you, Universe. We needed a little help, and we got it. Yay! :)

Ladies & Literature

2010-01-29T09:50:00.000-08:00

I love my book club.

A few years ago I "started" this club, by which I mean I invited over a few girl friends from work to drink wine and eat cheese and talk about a book. And then, it took on a life of its own. One friend invited her roommate. That gal invited some girls she met at a party. They, in turn, invited co-workers and friends.

The club is now a loose accumulation of women who gather about once a month. We are informal about "membership." The chief criteria is that you show up and talk. Maybe you read the book. Maybe you just saw the movie. You devoured the whole thing in a weekend, or maybe you couldn't make it past the first chapter. You bring wine, cheese, cookies, or talking points. You take a turn hosting every now and then. And you talk.

There are some women I count as dear friends, people who are part of my daily life, and others I see only at our meetings. Each time I leave a session with these ladies, I feel better. About life, about the state of intellectual curiosity in the world, about the kind of woman I have grown-up to be and the kind of people I have found the good fortune to know and meet.

This month's book was Howard's End. Our hostess explained that she likes to read heavier, denser books in winter. We agreed that it held the hallmarks of a classic, 11th grade reading list book, but it also ended like a soap opera. We debated the merits of Austen vs. Forster, and the contributions of each. We ate copious amounts of cheese and drank lovely varietals of red wine and talked about Henry and Margaret and Helen and Tibby and Leonard and the inner life versus the outer life and romance versus a "practical" marriage and money and class...and the line between the book and our lives blurred.

And sometimes we crossed that line explicitly. We talked about the loss of friends, the difficulties of new married life, the importance of breathing (deeply and often), the joys of doing things in no particular way but one's own, the ways in which expectations of women have changed through time...and how they haven't.

And when the night wrapped up around 10:30, we cleaned up the plates, recycled the bottles, admired the cheese rinds, and commented on how much we enjoy each other's company.

(Above are the remnants of the cheese and evidence of the wine consumed. Did I mention how much I love this book club?)

Politico-nerd giddiness

2010-01-27T20:52:00.000-08:00

I have a fellowship in the State capital once a week. Today, on the way to lunch for a colleague's birthday, I met the governor. And Maryland's governor is dreamy. I shook his hand and introduced myself and might have confessed to having been a fan of his Irish rock band back when he was a mere city councilman. *sigh*

Dreamy McGovernor now:

And back in the day:

I mean, look at those biceps...I've got a thing for biceps, just ask my Mr.

A question

2010-01-26T06:53:00.000-08:00

Wedding pictures, ladies. That is the question topic for the day.

The Mr. and I had an AWESOME wedding photographer - Kelly Prizel. She is a super cool gal, an awesome fine art photographer, and probably the hardest working, bendiest, most creative photog I have ever met. And she made us look gorgeous and fun in both our engagement and wedding photos.

So now, nearly 5 months after the wedding, I am finally ready to tackle the task of deciding what to do with some of the beautiful images we have on our digital photo DVD. Here are some options:

1. We can order an album. I like this idea, because it seems simple enough, but it gives me pause for a few mildly neurotic reasons. We are still very much in the midst of home renovation madness and our house is unsettled at best. This means there is very little "on display" in our home. Which leaves the album no resting place where it can casually hang out and look elegant until someone happens to pick it up. So, it can live on a bookshelf for now...but then why bother getting one now? And how often does one actually look at a wedding album anyways?

2. We can pick some prints and get professional advice/inspiration from Kelly about a "wall gallery." This is a cool idea whereby some of our wedding pics become art on our walls. On the one hand I feel a bit self conscious about lots of pictures of us on our wedding day on our walls. I have always been a bit creeped out by the photo studios in the mall and their fancy-framed family portraits of people who dress alike. But our wedding pics are different, right? And this might speed up the pace at which the downstairs rooms in our home get painted and finished in order to display such art - or at least that's what I'd like to think.

3. We can go full-on artsy and pick one of our awesome photos to be turned into a canvas wrap. It would hang on a wall just like a painting. And how cool would that be with an image like this:
So many choices, so little decisiveness. This is my problem.

What did you ladies do with wedding photos? What have you seen done that you like? Any advice for me?

Scattered-ness in the moment

2010-01-25T06:36:00.000-08:00

As I was showering this morning I ran down my mental to-do list for the day. It occurred to me that the items I needed to tackle fell into lots of different boxes. In any given day I am a wife, grad student, research project manager, novice researcher (on my own personal project), HS debate coach, runner, sometime-blogger, friend, daughter, sister...and the list goes on.

I know that this does not make me unique. We all play many different roles in our daily lives, and some people manage to handle their multiple responsibilities in a graceful and efficient way.

I am not one of those people. I am a good multi-tasker and I'm confident in all of my roles, but I get flustered by the sheer enormity of the number of tasks that confront me. I'd like to cultivate a new skill set: being able to be present in the moment. I think I could be better at my many roles if I gave each one its own due time.

I heard a speaker once say that he aspired to one day be drinking a glass of water and think "I am drinking a glass of water" instead of mentally jumping ahead to what he needed to be doing next. I aspire to take a shower and think only "what a nice shower this is." Maybe I'll try that tomorrow - I'll put it on my to-do list.

Progress

2010-01-15T13:35:00.000-08:00

I passed my Master's seminar paper. Woo hoo! Now I get to write my two comprehensive exam questions and then I apply for "graduation" in the spring. Which rocks. Because, while I still have a gazillion credits to go before I can tackle the dissertation, I will have a new fancy piece o' paper to show for the last two years. And new options for employment...at a higher salary than I have now...or with better tuition remission than I have now.

And, I finished painting our "powder room." We now have one room in our massively renovated house actually DONE. There will be a ribbon cutting this weekend and I shall post photos. I am that proud.

And we have a chimney hooked up to our wood stove. It is now 50 degrees and we have no need to light said wood stove, but I have faith that winter will return and we will do the dance of joy 'round the now-functional wood stove. Thank you, Chimney Guy.

Small signs of progress make me smile. Happy Friday, friends.

Tuesday Thankfulness

2010-01-12T15:34:00.001-08:00

Since our wedding planning began, the Mr. and I have had some rough times. Before we got engaged, we rarely ever argued. I am a pretty feisty gal, so that says a great deal about how calm and cool my Mr. is. But since his awesome proposal last NYE, we've argued a lot. This last week was a particularly rough one.

But then it passed.

And the last few days have been great. Not fairy tale perfect, but honest and true. We have made a few agreements about how to tackle OUR life* and it's challenges and those agreements have brought closure to some ongoing disagreements.

Today, I posted my honeymoon pics to share with some friends and I realized something: I married a man with whom I want to share all of my travels. I married a man with whom I want to spend all of my days. I spent 12 pretty damn great days with him in Costa Rica. That, in and of itself, ought to pull us through some of the hard work of the first year of marriage. And for that, I am thankful today.

Enjoy some of the evidence of said awesome trip...planned by my lovely husband.

*Thanks to Puppies and Pancakes for a thought-provoking post about the revelation of having a life that is OURS.

Hiatus...

2010-01-10T17:42:00.000-08:00

We've returned from a fantastic honeymoon in Costa Rica to a slightly colder than expected home. We are now dealing with the unpleasantness of multiple estimates on how much it will cost to repair said heating system...sigh.

I promise to return to the world of married lady blogging tomorrow, but for now please enjoy my high point of last week as recapped by jtabz: VOLTED!

Adios!

2009-12-11T21:19:00.000-08:00

Nosotros vamos a la playa en Costa Rica. Hasta a la Navidad!

36 hours...not that I'm counting

2009-12-10T19:00:00.000-08:00

In a few short hours I will be A.I.S. on the plane to Costa Rica. And I have a great deal to do between now and then. I've handed in one paper. Phew! One more to go...and that get's tackled tomorrow. For now, I am off to start packing. And kissing my husband.

He's been a particularly awesome life-partner this week. I've been difficult to deal with - stressed out, and downright "dark and twisty" at least one day. But he has been a trooper. And I love him a little more than usual for it.

So, in honor of weeks like this, I give you the wisdom of my favorite feel-good poet, Brian Andreas. This is "Mr. Right."

*Artwork and poetry from StoryPeople.com

Four days till the honeymoon...

2009-12-08T03:46:00.000-08:00

And I am just hoping that I make it with my sanity and my marriage intact.

This semester has been hard - and wonderful - for lots of reasons. Wonderful because I am taking great classes with professors I respect. Wonderful because I think I found a social science research methodology that I can enjoy and truly dig into, one that resonates with who I am as a thinker and a researcher. Wonderful because I feel like I am finally gaining some sense of command of the literature written on my area of interest. But hard because...we moved into a not-yet-finished house with plywood still covering the floors and no paint/window trim/baseboard/doors/andlotsofotherthingsstillmissing. We have remedied some of this. Which was hard because it involves multiple contractors being managed by us, noise, dust, and smells in our house, and wrangling our budget to make it all happen. That makes writing papers and reading for my classes hard.

What has really been hard is dealing with all the ups and downs of this while navigating the uncharted waters of our new marriage. We got married at the start of the semester. Did I mention that? That made the semester both wonderful and hard, too.

Meg at APW and others (here, here, and here) have brought up the "work" of marriage this week. I feel torn about this topic. I wish I had more time to be reflective about the work that crafting a good marriage takes. I suppose one never actually HAS the time, they make it. So, I wish I was better at making the time and space for this work. But this, too, is hard. Because the Mr. and I have different styles of figuring things out.

I am a talker who works through problems out loud. I need to talk my way through strategies and solutions before I can resolve them in my head.

My Mr. is not really a talker. Oh, make no mistake, he can talk up a storm at a cocktail party and make guests feel at home in our house. But he's not a talker about feelings. He works through things in his head and, sometimes, shares them once he has fully resolved them. Sometimes. Other times, he is content knowing that he has come to a resolution and does not see the need to share. In some ways he is a feminist version of the 1950s husband. He believes we are equals and shares in domestic duties. He is equally comfortable being the breadwinner or the "supporting" spouse of our household. And he's said all of this, so he doesn't quite get what else there is to talk about. Talking is just not his thing. He's my strong, silent feminist husband.

So, I want to talk about the work of marriage and feel guilty about not making time or space for it. My Mr. surely isn't going to initiate such talk, and requires some serious arm-twisting to come to the table to talk if/when I initiate it. And that's hard, too.

And so I find myself thinking about these really important life things a mere 4 days out from our delayed honeymoon with 50 pages of writing to polish up and turn in. Which is always a good time to initiate the "hard work of marriage" conversation, right? So I did. And you can imagine how it went...

This has been a hard semester. If we make it on the plane to Costa Rica still speaking to each other, I'll breathe a huge sigh of relief.

Delightful Difficulties

2009-12-03T07:48:00.000-08:00

I have received two job offers in two days - and I already have a job with GREAT perks (tuition remission, great benefits package, laid back boss...). This is pretty great, right?

Except, my current job is boring. I am learning nothing new. I am helpful to my boss and her research grant, but I am contributing nothing to my career and learning nothing new. I am, however, getting said perks listed above.

The jobs I have been offered are not without their drawbacks. They are different positions with a previous employer. One is a part-time high school teaching gig. Awesome. I miss the classroom. But, no benefits, no policy angle. The other is a part-time to full-time program management gig with teacher mentoring. Awesome. I could combine my loves - education and policy. I would be helping create a new program within a successful existing organization. I would be helping recruit and train new urban teachers. It would be great...except that I would be working for a woman whom I know to be toxic. Is it worth it?

And...I must decide all of this in the midst of writing a seminar paper to get closer to my masters degree. And packing for my honeymoon. Which I leave for in 9 days.

No pressure, friends, no pressure.

And yet...what a delightfully difficult position to be in. I don't mean to be blase about the opportunities with which I am faced. We are in the middle of a recession. Friends have lost jobs. My brother was unemployed for 9 months. He has friends who still can't find meaningful work more than a year after their college graduation. And I have an embarrassment of riches.

Where is my sense of being at peace?

Being at peace with things

2009-12-01T05:54:00.000-08:00

I'm reading a great book about nuns for my book club this month. I have some familiarity with nuns...I taught in a Catholic school that still employed three teaching nuns...I have lived in convents twice in my 32 years...and I have vivid memories of Sr. Kevin Dillon every time I take communion at Mass. (She had me convinced that truly terrible things would happen if I chewed the host. To this day, I have to let it melt on the roof of my mouth for fear of the wrath of Sr. Kevin)

One of the things that I find most appealing about the women in "the nun study" is the sense that they are truly at peace with their lives. They naturally have many questions when they are asked to be part of the study on Alzheimer's, but when they get the answers they seek, they reflect on them, decide, and are at peace. Now, I know that's what faith is supposed to do for you. And I realize that the author (the principal investigator of the study) may be taking liberties in his story-telling, but the sense of "being at peace with things" is one that I recognize in the women I taught with in Chicago.

The life of a nun is orderly, but it is not easy. The nuns in the book, and the Felician Sisters I knew in Chicago, feel called to live the life they do, and surrender their will to God and their order. And yet, they seem...at peace with things. Content is not the right word. They are more than that, and yet less than happy. Neither are they naive. They simply seem to accept what comes, decide how to react to it, and then...peace.

Lest there be any misunderstandings: I do not want to be a nun. I am excited about being married to the Mr. I am in fact far less religious than I was when I was younger - still faith-filled, but not so connected to a church. But I want some of that "at peace" feeling.

(And not just while on vacation...I want to try to cultivate it daily. Any thoughts?)

*cover image from Amazon.com

And this is why papers are so hard to write...

2009-11-30T12:28:00.000-08:00

I spent about 10 hours this long-weekend writing a paper on the research on charter schools and student achievement. I reference many quantitative studies that offer contradictory accounts of what effect charter schools are having on the students they serve. Trying to make sense of the research makes my head spin...and then, while drinking my morning coffee, I opened the Washington Post to find this gem of a headline:

Charter schools: Two studies, two conclusions

Brilliant. Why don't I just write that in my paper and call it a day? What do we know about charter schools and student achievement? Only that we don't know squat. I think that ought to earn me my MA, no?

13 days and counting

2009-11-30T04:41:00.000-08:00

I have eight days of work, four classes, two debate practices, and two gigantor papers to write and turn in before we get to leave on our honeymoon. I'm working on remaining calm and trying to be as organized as possible, lest I forget important things between now and then. Like sleeping. Or remembering to grab my passport on my way out the door. You know, little things like that.

Thanks-giving

2009-11-24T05:02:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about all that I am thankful for this year. In a time when the news is filled with more and more depressing statistics about hunger, joblessness, war, and general strife, I am reminded that I have a pretty great life.
And on Thursday, I get the great privilege of gathering 12 people near and dear to me around a makeshift dining room in our ever evolving house and share bountiful amounts of food and laughter.
I'm pretty lucky.

The Mutt's look-alike

2009-11-16T18:06:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Puppies and Pancakes, I found the artwork of Sharon Montrose. And among her awesome photos of fabulous animals, I found the fuzzball's long-lost cousin.

The resemblance will be far more obvious to anyone who has personally seen the head-cocked-to-the-side move Gracie does. But, see for yourself.

Exhibit A: my furball
(photo courtesy of the fabulous Kelly Prizel)

Exhibit B: Squeak
(Go on...look at the blog of well-photographed adorable animals)

And now, back to my academic pursuits...

A sticky sweet Friday treat

2009-11-13T06:28:00.000-08:00

I love Starbucks' Gingerbread lattes.

I have great memories of the simple pleasure I received from buying one for myself in the middle of a bone-chilling Chicago winter during my first year of teaching. I was a full-time volunteer and I had very little spending money. But on a Saturday, I would occasionally take the train from our gritty west-side neighborhood to the Magnificent Mile. I would stop in to Starbucks, then window-shop all the way up to the top of Michigan Avenue. With a warm, spicy latte in hand, I could pretend that I was just like any other shopper on the street, and escape, if ever so briefly, from the stress of being a first-year inner-city Catholic school teacher living in a convent. (a long story for another time...)

I mentioned this great love to the Mr. last weekend when the urge to find the nutmeggy-latte goodness arose. I bought one, and savored the taste, but lamented the price tag for a tall. Nearly $3.50! Surely there had to be a more affordable way to get my fix?

I tried the Coffeemate gingerbread creamer - only$2.00 for the whole container with a coupon! Alas, nothing about it resembled the lovely latte.

But today, my day off to do grad school work, a box arrived from UPS. It was addressed to the Mr. It came from somewhere called "CoffeExperts" and it *sloshed* when I carried it inside. I called the Mr. at work and asked if I could open it. Inside I found a bottle of liquid happiness - gingerbread syrup!

And so, I sit here, getting ready to polish off my class paper while happily sipping my at-home gingerbread latte. Thank you, my Mr. Thank you for my Friday treat. I love you.

Ick

2009-11-11T05:13:00.000-08:00

And now, I'm sick!

Boredom (segue to my existential crisis)

2009-11-09T13:49:00.000-08:00

I love many aspects of my life right now: marriage to the Mr., the ever-so-slowly-coming-along renovation of our house, my great girl friends, living close to family, intellectually challenging graduate school classes...these are all great things.

But work...work is boring. It is a job that I dropped into quite by accident. It has a 30 hour work week, a flexible schedule, and tuition remission. I should be happy, right. Bored, and happy.
But, I work in a windowless basement. I answer emails. I keep track of paperwork. I manage data. This is not challenging. It is boring.

The problem stems from this - since college, I have had a job that kicked my a** nearly every day in some way, but always got me excited. For the last five years before this job I taught middle school in the inner-city (or, more precisely, two different inner-cities). I was bone tired at the end of nearly every day, but I felt like I had a role in the world. I was good at what I did and I liked it...most parts...and felt energized by it. Now, I am good at what I do, but so could most people be. I feel no "jazz" about what I do for the world on a daily basis. I am bored.

But, if I gave up being bored and went back to, say, teaching in the inner-city, could I be as intellectually involved in my course work? Would it be worth scaling back to a part time grad-school schedule? What about the toll that kind of work would take on free-time and building a marriage?

What am I doing with myself?

Monday Musings

2009-11-02T10:33:00.000-08:00

My thoughts on totally unrelated topics:

1. Though I still really miss living in my quaint city neighborhood, throwing parties in our new house rocks. Our giant kitchen/family room combo is a big as my whole former apartment and WAY more amenable to hosting guests 'round the kitchen counter while cooking. Score 1 for the house in the suburbs. :)

2. Said house is also rockin' for hosting guests. Our first attempt at hosting houseguests = success! And the houseguests themselves are pretty rockin' - they cooked a mean veggie lasagna, brought awesome petite sirah from CA and a tasty, smoky Cab from WA, and made crepes. Yum. Score 2 for the house!

3. The commentary on WaPo articles about Michelle Rhee borders on insane. What do these people DO all day besides write comments on articles? Check out two examples here:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/11/01/AR2009110102318.html?hpid=sec-education

And here:
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/class-struggle/2009/10/rhee_is_right--summer_learning.html

4. I feel old when I try to read long documents/articles/reports on my computer screen. Despite the environmental impact, I find printing and reading documents (and marking them up by hand) far more comfortable. That said, maybe its an eye strain issue...computer screen + fluorescent lights = bad situation for the peepers. Any suggestions on this?

*Also, a question for my two readers: Either one of you know how to shrink the URL of a link to make it less cumbersome? Advice to the internet neophyte would be much appreciated...

House Guests

2009-10-28T06:06:00.000-07:00

We're about to host our first houseguests as a married couple. And while they are here, we're throwing our first party as a married couple. And I'm pretty darn excited.
The Mr. and I are both extroverted people, but since the house has been so unfinished and the wedding planning/grad school attending had kept us/me so busy, we haven't been our usual social selves. But now, the hardwoods are in (at least in a few rooms), we've got carpet in our bedrooms, and a fully functioning kitchen. So, with one working bathroom and two happy married folks, bring on the guests!

Animal Question

2009-10-26T12:47:00.000-07:00

So, while on the couch last night it somehow came up in conversation that the Mr. has never considered what kind of animal he'd be if he could choose. I wish I could remember the origin of the conversation, but it eludes me.

Nonetheless, I have asked him to seriously ponder this question. He thinks I'm a bit ridiculous and thought he'd outsmart me by claiming that he's like a child in the Golden Compass series and his daemon is ever-changing form. I reminded him that even a child's daemon has a primary form. I am not to be out-smarted. So, he's still working on his answer.

I'd be an otter - a sea otter, more precisely. They're cute, fast, and clever and always seem to be having such fun. That seems like a good life to me!

And you? What animal would you be?

*Pic by Mike Baird from http://www.wildlifenorthamerica.com/Mammal/Sea-Otter/Enhydra/lutris.html

Joy continued

2009-10-22T19:54:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in a few days because life has been good. Classes are going well, work is clipping right along and the Mr. and I have fallen into a better pattern of communication. I had a great girl's night out on Tuesday and a terrific walk with a friend this morning. It's amazing how nice this feels. For the first time since the wedding I feel like I have a bit of normalcy back - only better. Normal + marriage to the Mr.... cool. Very cool.

Joy

2009-10-20T06:00:00.000-07:00

It occurs to me that my posts are trending toward the negative.

I don't want to give the wrong impression.

I'm new at the blogging thing and I've treated it much like the journals I used to keep - I only write when I have something I need to get off my chest. When I am happy and filled with joy about my marriage I let it wash over me and I live in the moment. I don't need to write about it because it's just so darn much fun to live it!

But that translates into a "woe is me" vibe from what I do write. And that couldn't be farther from the truth. I am a lucky, happy woman who is filled with joy at being married to my Mr.

I'll try to write about that a bit more often...

Ups and Downs

2009-10-19T06:23:00.000-07:00

In one weekend of our marriage we:

spent a cold and rainy Friday night watching TV and eating my yummy home-baked gallete from a SmittenKitchen recipe (http://smittenkitchen.com/2007/10/butternut-squash-and-caramelized-onion-galette)
argued about home improvement plans
had a great night of turkey-chili and progressive political conversation with friends
enjoyed a leisurely breakfast prepared by the Mr.
visited the Farmer's Market and did our grocery shopping
cooed over the Mr.'s honeymoon planning skills
argued over banking/finance/communication issues

The ups and downs are a bit like whiplash sometimes...*sigh*

Pandora Induced Smile

2009-10-13T08:53:00.001-07:00

I asked the Mr. to pick us a great reception entrance song. He picked Andrew Bird's "Fake Palindromes" and it was a most excellent selection. And it just popped up in Pandora and made me smile. Yay!